Guess what? Brian and I have officially waged war on our shitty landlord. He hasn't returned phone calls, he has been unresponsive in making repairs, and, when I call from an unrecognizable phone number and he actually answers, our conversations are short and hostile. This month, however, we are pulling the carpet out from under him.
After creating a pretty dense paper trail of certified letters,
311 complaints, city inspector reports, photos of damage, receipts, and a chronological timeline of everything that has happened up to this point, I felt pretty secure in withholding rent from this horrible, horrible man. Sure, he has tossed a few glue traps for the rats in our entryway. Sure, there was a cheap smoke alarm carelessly thrown on the floor in front of our door. This tells me that he has, indeed, been contacted by
311 and is aware of all of the repairs that are needed. He just chooses to ignore it so he doesn't have to spend any money. So, we are choosing to not give him any money. Suck it. Here is a full list that I reported to the city inspectors -
FRONT BEDROOM- Hole in ceiling, ripped paint, occasional water leaks
- Four holes in southeast wall which allow for vermin entry
- Floor sinking into the basement, unstable movement detected
- Exposed electrical wiring on south wall, incident of electrical fire
- Radiator leaking
- Possible black mold from radiator
- Second radiator broken
- Rotted floorboards due to water damage
- Floorboards are peeling up from floor
- Vermin and rodents
HALLWAY- Radiator sinking into floor
- Rotted floorboards due to water damage
- Possible black mold from radiator
- Exposed electrical wiring in light fixture
- No lights
KITCHEN- Constantly leaky faucet
- Hole in south wall which allows for vermin entry
- Floor sinking into the basement in a small area
- Vermin and rodents
BATHROOM- Bathtub leaks onto the floor collecting still water
- Shower head needs to be replaced
- Toilet flushing mechanism needs to be replaced
FRONT YARD- Trash and debris not collected or maintained
- Dirt and mud left from when they replaced the boiler
- Mailbox not properly maintained
- Drainage blocked, water collects
- Vermin and rodents
BACK ROOM- Unheated
- No electrical outlets
- Unauthorized add-on
- Wall not insulated
BASEMENT- Rotten beams that hold up the floor need to be replaced
- Electric panel rotted
Pretty fierce list, huh?
After the city inspector issued a "C Class violation" for the floors sinking into the basement, another city guy came to take pictures of everything, then a construction guy came by to look at the work that needed to be done. He said that it would take between 3-5 weeks and that they would be starting this week. Lucky for me, the city does all the work for the emergency repairs and then takes my landlord to court for reimbursement. Ha! The work includes ripping out the floorboards in my room and the hallway, exposing the basement, and replacing the huge wooden beams that are supposed to support the floor. THEN, replacing the wood paneling on the floor with tiles. Here is my list of concerns -
1. I have to clear out my entire room.
2. Will it be cold because of the gaping hole in the floor?
3. Can people get into the apartment through the gaping hole in the floor that would technically be accessible from the street grate that leads to the basement?
4. I have to live in a kitchen again! Something I swore I would never, ever, ever, for the sake of my mental health,
EVER do again!
5. Will it really be finished in 3-5 weeks? My guess is no.
6. Will my computer, digital camera, ipod, TV, DVDs, and stuffed animals get stolen?
7. Should I just move now?
8. Or should I try to squeeze at least two months out of this shit hole to save the money to find a new place to live?
9. Will they find my landlord's body I hid in the basement?
I want to make my fucking shitface landlord's life hell. Let him do the legwork of filing court papers to try to evict us. I'll show up in court with a goddamn smile and a stack of evidence. For months, I have gone to bed every night looking up at a hole in my ceiling, wondering if water will fall on me again. At least once a week, I hear mice and
occasional rats rummaging around my room. More than once I have come home to see more than one mice on my kitchen counter tops. Mouse Party! I worry about my room being set on fire because of faulty wiring and rotten electrical panels. We already had one fire in my wall. My last thought before I drift off into sleep is
"Will I fall through the floor into my basement tonight?" I have had countless dreams about falling through the floor. When I walk on my bedroom floor, it creaks and bounces up and down. SCARY! I claim mental distress and now I will wage psychological warfare on my landlord. I want his soul to bleed.
Wow. I am really healthy.
Seriously, this is the type of shit that happens to crazy people before they go crazy. I am just a step away from becoming a drunk, homeless lady wearing one purple slipper who yells at strangers on a subway platform about the injustice of everything. So, if I seem a little short fused, please don't take it personally. I am embroiled in a deathmatch. A gladiator spectacle.
Also, I am working on a writing a play and some sketches, so this blog may or may not be updated as often as it has been. I also may or may not be softly crying in my kitchen. I also may or may not be passed out with an empty bottle of cheap merlot in Grand Central Station. WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE SO HARD?
Ultimately, this will be a hilarious story. Right?
